Anxiety and stress are a daily experience for many. Data from the National Well-being Index (NSI), initiated by “Eurovaistinė”, revealed that even half of the residents experience anxiety without a clear reason, and approximately 4 out of 10 residents feel stress in their daily lives. However, only 38% sometimes dedicate time to relaxation, and 34% do not use any relaxation practices.
We often hope that our well-being will improve on its own – when a stressful period ends, when worries are resolved. However, research data shows that the internal state does not always reflect external circumstances: almost a third of residents identify psychological state as one of the main factors determining their overall well-being – alongside sleep, fatigue, or physical illnesses.
This is an important insight: good well-being depends not only on how many problems we solve around us, but also on the skills that help us take care of our emotional health. That is why it is important not only to monitor well-being but also to learn to consciously cultivate it,” says pharmaceutical expert Eglė Laskauskaitė.
When there is less external stress, we hear ourselves more
According to D. Jakučionis, many people are used to living in a constant mode of activity – working, planning, reacting, solving. Such a pace is tiring, but it also fills attention. When activity decreases, there are no longer as many external tasks, so the inner world comes to the forefront: thoughts, emotions, unresolved issues, anxiety.
“It is often difficult for a person because in silence they begin to feel more clearly what they usually escape from by immersing themselves in activities, screens, or constant busyness. If we have not learned to be with our inner self, stopping can be experienced not as rest, but as discomfort or even tension,” explains the psychotherapist.
He adds that this is more common in people who are already prone to anxiety. However, even for a less anxious person, stopping can simply be boring or unusual, as they don’t know what to do with the newfound time and where to direct their attention.
This is well illustrated by a widely cited experiment in which participants were asked to spend just a few minutes alone, without a phone, book, or other stimuli. They could simply sit quietly with their thoughts or, if they wished, give themselves a mild electric shock. As many as 67% of men and 25% of women chose the impulse.
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According to D. Jakučionis, this reveals not a person’s desire to harm themselves, but how strongly we sometimes crave any external stimulus just to avoid being left alone with our inner experience. The experiment shows that many of us have not learned to calmly be with the thoughts and emotions that arise when we stop. Nevertheless, this ability can be gradually developed.
The Goal – Not to Empty Your Head
When learning to be calmly with your thoughts, you should first change the goal itself, advises D. Jakučionis. Instead of aiming to feel nothing or completely stop thinking, it is worth learning to notice rising thoughts and emotions without judging them.
“If a person decides that they must completely calm down in 10 minutes, they create another task for themselves and start checking if they have succeeded. A much more useful goal is to allow what you feel to be present for a while. A thought is not an instruction to act, and an emotion is not a danger just because it is unpleasant,” emphasizes the specialist.
For a person for whom even the thought of ten minutes in silence causes discomfort, the psychotherapist recommends starting with very small steps:
- Dedicate 60–90 seconds to yourself. Stop briefly, and only when this time becomes more easily tolerated, gradually extend it.
- Help yourself focus. Observe your breathing, feel your feet on the floor, or listen to the sounds around you. This helps prevent getting lost in the stream of thoughts.
- Name what is happening. For example: “Now I feel anxious,” “I feel a heaviness in my chest,” “I notice a thought about tomorrow.” Such simple naming teaches you to observe your inner self from the outside.
- Observe yourself without criticism. There’s no need to punish yourself for thoughts wandering or unpleasant feelings arising. Noticing them is precisely part of the exercise.
D. Jakučionis emphasizes that a brief discomfort when stopping is natural. However, if moments of calm constantly cause strong anxiety, feelings of panic, or sleep disturbances, the specialist advises against trying to turn it into an endurance test.
“In such cases, it is better to talk to a mental health professional. Being with oneself is not an innate talent that some have and others do not. It is a developed ability, but sometimes it is safer to learn it with the help of another person,” says the psychotherapist.
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