“The tradition of a three-day farewell is becoming less common, although this time was not invented without reason. It is very important not only for honoring the deceased but also for the close ones themselves – so that they can come to terms with the loss,” he notes.
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The head of a funeral home operating in Klaipėda for 30 years says that the accumulated experience has helped clearly understand what is most important for a dignified farewell.
Farewells used to take place at home
Recalling the beginning of the activity, V. Volovnik says that three decades ago, funeral organization in Lithuania looked completely different.
“When we started this activity, there were no private companies providing funeral services in Klaipėda yet. Relatives usually organized funerals on their own,” he recalls.
At that time, there was a lack not only of services but also of farewell spaces, so the deceased were often laid out at home, workplaces, or even theaters. The choice of funeral supplies was also much more modest – from clothing to coffins.
Over three decades, according to the interlocutor, not only funeral culture but also people’s attitudes towards loss have changed.
“Today, relatives often rush to organize funerals as quickly as possible and finish all the concerns. However, suppressed grief sooner or later still breaks out – sometimes even after twenty years,” he says.
We are still afraid to talk about death
Although society is becoming more open to various sensitive topics, talking about death in Lithuania is still often avoided. This topic remains uncomfortable for many, so conversations about loss or preparing for the final journey are often postponed.
“Open conversations can help relatives avoid additional tension and provide more peace during a difficult time. Previously, older people prepared responsibly for this stage of life – they discussed their last wishes in advance, took care of clothing, or even left specific requests regarding funeral arrangements,” says the head of the Klaipėda funeral home.
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The interlocutor notes that today more and more initiatives are gradually emerging, encouraging more open and courageous discussions about loss. He also urges considering an option that not everyone knows about yet – a pre-arranged funeral contract with a funeral service provider. Such a contract allows a person to express their wishes in advance, and provides relatives with more clarity, peace, and helps avoid some organizational and financial worries in the face of loss.
“I believe that advance preparation is not a gloomy or frightening decision – it is a responsible attitude towards your loved ones and respect for them in the future,” he says.
Learned to cherish every day
V. Volovnik openly admits that not everyone can work where they face people’s loss and pain every day. However, according to him, this job has taught him to value time with loved ones more and to enjoy every moment.
The head of the funeral home says that one of the biggest myths about this job is the belief that the entire activity is focused only on financial gain. People often do not see how much responsibility, preparation, and human sensitivity is required to help families experiencing loss.
“I think the most important thing in this job is to maintain a sincere desire to help people. It is precisely humanity, empathy, and respect for the person that allow you not to lose sensitivity even when facing loss, pain, and very vulnerable people every day,” the man openly admits.
When asked what he has understood about saying goodbye to a person over 30 years, he answers simply:
“The most important thing is the time dedicated to the person, respect for their life, and the sincere presence of loved ones together on the last journey. When saying goodbye, I advise not to rush. That time cannot be returned,” says V. Volovnik.
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