“Many children lack a clear male counterpart,” Ralf Brügel explains, why he founded a dads’ group in Schorndorf, Germany, in March 2022.
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The 54-year-old doctor has been working as a pediatrician in his own clinic since 2006. Together with a colleague, he leads a team of three other female doctors. The father of three adult daughters observes that parents have become significantly more confused over the past two decades.
“20 years ago, I saw about 750 children per quarter; today, it’s about 4000,” he says.
Fathers and mothers often have completely different perspectives
According to the doctor, modern parents often feel insecure about parenting, which is why he is currently pursuing additional studies in child and adolescent psychotherapy.
The men’s group he founded is designed to help fathers gain more peace, self-confidence, and clarity.
“Initially, we had about 30 interested men, but soon a stable group of about ten participants remained,” says R. Brügel.
According to him, participating in such a group requires courage, as men inevitably begin to talk about their childhood, their relationship with their father, and the values they want to pass on to their children.
“Often, men realize that their approach to parenting almost never aligns with that of mothers,” says the doctor.
However, he says, this is not a problem – on the contrary, it becomes a good starting point for a real dialogue between partners.
What mothers consider irresponsible is sometimes trust in the child
Ralf Brügel gives an example: what mothers often perceive as fathers’ carelessness can actually be a desire to give the child more independence and self-confidence.
“Men often control less and correct the child less. However, this can also be a valuable parenting goal,” he explains.
According to the doctor, in the group, men learn to trust their intuition more and to abandon the notion that women automatically know more about raising children.
He also notes that many mothers raise children based on the principle “just don’t do what happened in my childhood.” However, merely avoiding past mistakes, he says, is not yet a true parenting plan.
Excessive protection can also prevent a child from having important experiences that shape their self-esteem.
“Let children experience more themselves”
The pediatrician regularly gives lectures in kindergartens and schools about the impact of smartphones and social media on children.
He admits that he himself benefits greatly from conversations with other parents.
“Listening to other men often helps me better understand myself – what annoys me, frightens me, or makes me angry,” he says.
Listening to other men often helps me better understand myself – what annoys me, frightens me, or makes me angry.
Interestingly, in his youth, R. Brügel dreamed of becoming a sports journalist or a social worker, but his father, an architect, thought these professions were not “serious” enough.
Therefore, the young man, who excelled in his studies, chose medicine.
“Now I understand that I just wanted to please my parents and avoided conflict,” the doctor laughs.
He admits that during his studies, he even fainted several times at the sight of blood, which is why he eventually chose a field close to psychotherapy.
Parents need more trust in life
Today, Ralf Brügel encourages young fathers:
to let children try more things themselves,
to trust life more,
to be braver in showing themselves and their emotions.
According to him, with each daughter, he himself became a better father, gaining more inner stability and confidence.
His initiative in Schorndorf has already inspired three similar dads’ groups in other regions.
“Everyone realized that the need is huge. Such groups reach men aged 26–42 who would otherwise never come to social or religious institutions,” says the pediatrician.
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