Psychotherapist Dainius Jakučionis says that there is an explanation for this phenomenon, and one should ask themselves a few questions, according to a press release from “Eurovaistinė”.
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Simple ways to calm down may be needed by a much larger part of society than it seems. According to the data from the National Well-being Index (NSI) study initiated by the pharmacy network, more than half of Lithuania’s population occasionally feels anxiety without a clear reason. However, only 38% consciously allocate time for relaxation or quiet time with themselves, and 34% do not use any relaxation practices.
“The study revealed that we still quite rarely consciously create space for ourselves to breathe. Perhaps one reason is that we imagine rest too narrowly – as meditation, a bath, a massage. However, better well-being does not necessarily start with big and time-consuming changes – simple activities already present in everyday life can also be a valuable form of emotional hygiene,” says Eglė Laskauskaitė, a pharmacy expert.
According to her, one of the goals of measuring the country’s well-being is to increase emotional literacy in Lithuania – so that we better understand what well-being consists of and learn to talk about it not only when we already feel bad. A simple way to better understand your state is the shortened NSI test, which has already been taken more than 100,000 times online. People who complete it find out how they feel compared to the national average and what steps could help them feel better.
Organizing the kitchen is easier than fixing a problem in the mind
According to psychotherapist D. Jakučionis, one of the reasons why household chores can calm is very simple – unlike many problems in the mind, they have a clear beginning and end and a result.
“When doing such tasks, we often feel a kind of mastery because something tangibly turns into something else: disorder – order, dirty dishes – clean ones. The result is immediately visible. It is a small but real victory that is sometimes very lacking in everyday life,” says D. Jakučionis.
Another aspect is that when working with hands, the brain calms down, attention is focused on a specific task and diverted from worries, problems, or restless thoughts. The psychotherapist points out that monotonous tasks, if done consciously, can have an effect close to mindful meditation.
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“The essence of mindfulness is not to stop thinking. Attention is simply brought back to what is happening here and now – what I see, hear, touch. The same can be done while washing dishes or weeding. As long as attention is focused on a specific action and sensations, a person at least temporarily withdraws from the stream of thoughts and can rest,” says D. Jakučionis.
Why did the same task feel oppressive in childhood but becomes rest in adulthood?
Interestingly, the same activity can mean very different things at different stages of life. According to D. Jakučionis, the essential difference is choice and control.
“In childhood, we had no choice, but as adults, we choose ourselves. When a person decides to dust, organize a closet, or weed, they do not have to solve any other head-occupying problems at that time – they can simply be. That is why the same task turns from an obligation into a kind of rest,” explains the psychotherapist.
However, he emphasizes, this phenomenon only works when a person chooses the activity voluntarily. If tidying up is forced, the calming effect disappears.
When does tidying become avoidance?
Although household chores can help recover, sometimes they become a way to escape unpleasant emotions, decisions, or tasks. To make it easier to recognize, the psychotherapist suggests asking yourself a few questions:
- How do I feel afterward? Do you really recover, or is it just a temporary relief, and the tension soon returns the same or stronger? Avoidance gives quick relief and long-term maintenance of tension – this is a classic negative reinforcement loop.
- Does the activity have an end? A healthy option naturally stops: dishes washed – work done. In avoidance, the activity usually migrates: after washing dishes, suddenly you need to reorganize the cabinet, then the drawers, and so on endlessly.
- Could I not do it? If not doing the activity causes not discomfort but anxiety, that is another category – approaching compulsions, where the action does not calm but neutralizes fear.
- What does this activity consistently push away? If you always tidy up exactly when you should start an unpleasant conversation, make a decision, or allow yourself to grieve, it is likely already a way of avoidance – no matter how good you feel doing that activity.
- Is this my only strategy? When all calming is based only on tidying or one or two activities, it is a risk sign – it is worth having a broader set of methods.
- Do I allow myself to rest without “benefit”? If relaxation only succeeds through useful activity, and inactivity causes guilt, the talk is usually no longer about dishes but about personal standards and the notion of “earned rest”.
The immersion in household chores itself, notes D. Jakučionis, is neither good nor bad. It is important not to judge yourself too harshly: if simple everyday tasks sometimes help restore calm, it does not necessarily mean avoidance or a problem. However, if you notice that you do it more and more often, and the emotional effect is short-lived – it is worth pausing and asking yourself what is really being avoided.
