According to Eurostat data, Lithuania has the highest number of suicides: 18.8 suicides per 100,000 inhabitants. In Slovenia, this rate was 16.4, in Hungary – 16.1, and the lowest in Cyprus – (3.5), Greece (4.3), and Malta (5.5).
In the latest report evaluating 2023 data, the official EU statistical office divided Lithuania into the capital and the central and western regions. In the latter, there were as many as 21.2 suicides per 100,000 inhabitants, and in the capital region – 12.7. In neighboring Latvia and Estonia, there were just over 14 suicides per 100,000 inhabitants, and in Poland – 12.3.
I am not alone
“Every human life is valuable and important. Even if we are, you are, I am in a difficult, dark situation – I am not alone. Help is possible, and hope is alive,” emphasizes the chairman of the Lithuanian Caritas Council, deacon Arūnas Kučikas, inviting not to remain silent about the pain we feel. “We need to look for whom to turn to for help, and also to recognize a person overwhelmed by difficulties, meet with them, talk to them, converse, support.”
In a safe and non-judgmental environment, all questions are legal. We also asked Kaunas Archdiocese Caritas chaplain Father Mantas Šideikis and psychologist Romas Radzevičius to answer the most frequently asked questions personally and via the “Caritas listens” phone line 0 800 700 08.
1. Did I do everything I could for the person who committed suicide?
According to deacon Arūnas, these questions – like inner guilt – are so common and weigh so heavily on the relatives of those who committed suicide that no external conclusions or reminders are needed. And the Church in such cases should definitely be like a field hospital, not a customs office with a set of documents.
2. Why is death by suicide still considered a secret?
A person has traveled their life path, died, everyone said kind words, and everything seems in its place. But if it “comes out” or is said that the person committed suicide – it shocks everyone. As psychologist Romas Radzevičius says, it strikes like lightning. Many questions arise: why, who, and who is to blame? The psychologist would advise not to do that, to accept things as they are. But also not to hide the fact of suicide.
3. Is thinking about suicide a sin?
We begin the act of confession before the Holy Mass with the words: “<…> I have sinned in thoughts, words, deeds, and neglect,” reminded deacon A. Kučikas. So thoughts are part of our whole. However, in certain situations, they come involuntarily, not to mention mental health challenges, about which specialists could say more.
“Objectively, suicide is a grave sin. But there is also its subjective side – how much sin is committed by free will and with full knowledge. Thoughts are not always voluntarily controlled due to spiritual, emotional, physical suffering, environment, external pressure. For these and other reasons, will can certainly be limited, so a strict line cannot be drawn here,” says one of the Caritas leaders.
Psychologist Radzevičius emphasizes that a person cannot live closed off in their thoughts because sooner or later they will lose control over them.
“We live with people, among people, and we must communicate, talk, share with each other what we experience. If I have a close person but do not tell them about suicidal thoughts, I hide a lot from them. More openness is needed. And the review of thoughts itself must take place; it is a natural feature of healthy mental health. Therefore, one should not be afraid of thoughts about suicide, but when they arise – express them, do not be afraid to consult. When a person shares the burden, it becomes easier, and not sharing – it becomes harder,” he emphasizes.
And the review of thoughts itself must take place; it is a natural feature of healthy mental health. Therefore, one should not be afraid of thoughts about suicide, but when they arise – express them, do not be afraid to consult.
It is obvious to the psychologist that over the years our society talks more freely about itself, its experiences, and traumas: “People relax, open up, and that is very good; otherwise, it is impossible to move forward. People who have experienced mental traumas not only talk about their experiences but also testify by their example that it is necessary to open up, to talk, to share experiences. By listening to another person, you can learn a lot. And if you also hear the ‘steps’ – it is a double lesson: you know not only the path but also how to walk it.”
4. If suicide is a mortal sin, are all who committed suicide finally condemned?
Deacon Arūnas would definitely not say so, because the Church does not teach so categorically.
“We are called to love the Lord God with all our heart, all our mind, all our strength, and our neighbor as ourselves. Suicide completely contradicts such a correct understanding of love for oneself and others, so it is a grave, mortal sin. On the other hand, the Church cannot ignore the specific situation and circumstances that led a person to such a state,” says the deacon. “Based on the experience and science about humans over recent decades, psychological and spiritual factors, which are increasingly understood, mitigate that person’s guilt. Only God sees the human heart in the face of death, and we as believers are called to pray for those moments and people who find themselves in difficult situations.”
“Looking from the perspective of eternity, the more a person has ‘slipped,’ the greater God’s mercy. Because the greatest sin for a person would probably be to reject the possibility of God’s mercy as such,” the deacon concludes.
5. Is it true that the church does not bury suicides?
According to the interviewed clergy, this is definitely no longer the case. “Of course, when burying a person, it is necessary to know what their situation was when leaving life, so that certain prayers, readings can be chosen and situations avoided that people are not related to. If a person has not consciously, publicly renounced their faith and the Church, efforts are made to accompany the deceased and comfort and strengthen their relatives,” says the deacon.
Father Mantas reminds that until 1917, the Code of Canon Law (CCL) strictly forbade burying those who died by suicide in the Church. “However, over time, both psychology and other human sciences developed, and since 1983 the CCL very clearly states that every person must be accepted as God accepts everyone. We must not be disappointed and be greater judges. Let us leave that work to Him, and instead of expressing personal opinions, pay more attention to prayer for the suffering,” invites the priest.
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Deacon Arūnas summarizes that the Church invites to know faith, distinguish what is good and what is bad, and be more sensitive: not to judge, but to pray for the deceased and comfort and strengthen their relatives.
6. When arranging a funeral, should it be informed that the cause of death was suicide?
Father Mantas would advise to say, because the priest will find out about it anyway. When filling out the death registry book, a death certificate is required, which indicates certain codes meaning that the person took their own life.
“Despite this formality, it is still important to say,” repeats the priest. “Because when we meet the deceased’s relatives, express condolences, in the case of suicide, they also feel guilty for the person who committed suicide. Then I have to say: ‘You are not guilty of their choice, of their actions. You are the one who is still saving them now. You are the one who was with them as much as you could, and now you help them to the end.’ It is important to relieve the person of a burden that is not theirs. Knowing the true situation is also necessary when saying words of comfort so that it does not contradict reality, so that liturgical texts can be chosen that are appropriate, do not hurt, but provide comfort, that everything possible was done in the best way. The Church does not want to judge but to help and give hope to everyone.”
7. Is it true that thoughts about suicide decrease with age?
According to representative surveys of Lithuanian residents commissioned by Caritas, one in ten Lithuanians fears old age. The most common fears – serious illness, loneliness, disability – do not depend on income or status. People with the highest incomes and best education fear homelessness, disabilities, and serious illnesses even more.
Regarding suicide, it is still believed that the risk decreases with age because people become more patient and religious. However, data provided by the Hygiene Institute show the opposite.
Regarding suicide statistics by gender, about 4 times more men commit suicide than women. It is estimated that most men lost to suicide are in the 50–64 age group. Regarding women, most deaths by suicide occur from age 80.
Regarding suicide statistics by gender, about 4 times more men commit suicide than women.
For deacon A. Kučikas, this is a clear signal that there is much loneliness in the lives of our seniors: “In the Western world, we have specialized many services, but we must admit that individualism in society strongly contributes to the breaking of interpersonal connections.”
First, the deacon mentions the emigration of the last 30 years, whose consequences were especially experienced by women over 80 mentioned in the suicide statistics. “They were affected by the system change, which was basically right, and we are really glad to have chosen freedom. But the price we paid in people losing jobs, unable to cope when not protected by the government – is very high. Our elders had to reassess many things, experience separation for some families with grandchildren, children going abroad to earn money. Some succeeded, others – unfortunately not,” the deacon points out.
8. What to do to make our elders feel better?
Since Lithuania regained independence, our state has certainly done a lot in social assistance and healthcare. However, people are worried about queues to doctors, prices, especially care, if they have no relatives, how everything will be here… The pressure to constantly move forward, not to be a burden to society, cannot be ignored.
“Not least, the mentioned women aged 80 and over were those who cared for their children, grandchildren, one way or another, their husbands. And perhaps in old age, a woman left alone does not receive such care, response, understanding. Therefore, the ‘I don’t want to live anymore’ may mean – I don’t want to live as if I am needed by no one,” the chairman of the Caritas Council looks sensitively at the situation. What can we do? The deacon’s answer is first of all to show closeness to elderly people.
“Caritas listens”: real people, real care, really free
Both Caritas and other NGOs care for older people – organize community events, visit and help at home, organize mutual aid groups – but physically reaching every lonely senior remains a challenge.
“The telephone helpline for people aged 60+ with the free ‘Caritas listens’ phone 0 800 700 08 is one of the solutions to reach older people, regardless of where they live, to listen to their joys and difficulties, and if necessary – to help, involving the local community, Caritas, and other organizations,” says Erika Panova-Polikevičienė, coordinator of the emotional support line for seniors, and head of projects at Lithuanian Caritas, which started its second year.
We invite everyone to share the “Caritas listens” phone with seniors, encourage them to call, talk, enter the “Caritas listens” number 0 800 700 08 into the phones of those aged 60+, and for women and men aged 60+ to call, talk, share worries and joys. “Caritas listens” every working day from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m.
