Some people say nothing at first during an argument. This can seem like retreat or weakness. However, from a psychological perspective, silence can also be a conscious decision that helps avoid escalation of the conflict. This is discussed by the newspaper “El Comercio”.
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Silence as a conscious way to resolve conflicts
In tense situations, the brain often switches to defense mode. Then we react more impulsively than we would like. Our thinking changes, it becomes harder to stay calm and think clearly.
“When we feel threatened, the amygdala – a brain structure associated with danger recognition – quickly activates,” explains O. Albaladejo.
There is even a term to describe this state, popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman – “amygdala hijack”. It describes sudden, hard-to-control emotional reactions. At such moments, the amygdala seems to take over control, which is why we sometimes behave irrationally.
“When we are very emotionally aroused, continuing to talk does not always help. Sometimes it even intensifies the argument because the words come from a defensive reaction, not from calm reflection,” says O. Albaladejo.
Healthy silence differs from retreat
Psychology clearly distinguishes healthy silence from silence used to hurt another person. It is healthy when a person consciously takes a pause to calm down and later continue the conversation in a better emotional state.
O. Albaladejo emphasizes that in such a situation it is important not to leave the other person in the dark.
“Words like: ‘I need a few minutes to gather myself’ give the other person a sense of security and show that you are not running away from the situation,” explains the psychologist.
Words like: “I need a few minutes to gather myself” give the other person a sense of security and show that you are not running away from the situation.
Consciously chosen silence allows reacting to emotional overload and regaining clarity before continuing the discussion. This increases the likelihood of speaking in a calmer tone and resolving the conflict constructively.
It is quite different when silence is constantly used as a way to avoid closeness or punish the other person. Then it can cause frustration, emotional distance, and insecurity in relationships. Over time, warns O. Albaladejo, constant silence can increase stress, promote anxiety, and severely worsen the quality of relationships.
A quieter voice can calm an argument
No matter how difficult it is during an argument, conscious speaking in a quieter voice can help at that moment. This is pointed out on the FOCUS online portal by business mediator Stefanie Huber.
In conflicts, the opposite often happens: if one person raises their voice, usually the other starts speaking louder too. Bad mood and aggressive tone can quickly spread.
Therefore, it is especially important not to give in to this pattern. The one who speaks more calmly and quietly in a tense situation can help slow down the conversation. Moreover, a quieter voice often makes the other person listen more carefully. This can be very important during an argument.
S. Huber also emphasizes that speaking loudly often does not mean strength. On the contrary, it can signal insecurity, a desire to attack, or an attempt to dominate. The one who does not give in to this emotional wave and consciously remains calm can step back from the conflict tension and help calm the situation with controlled, conflict-reducing behavior.
