However, such conversations are not always pleasant: sometimes a child may become withdrawn, angry, or defensive. How to talk about learning achievements peacefully and help the child solve the challenges that arise is advised by the Child Rights Line consultant, child rights defender Aistė Kalėdaitė.
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Children who contact the Child Rights Line often talk about various difficulties they face at school – from disagreements with teachers or hard-to-understand tasks to bullying and other unpleasant experiences. Sometimes it is hard for children to tell their closest people about this, especially if they have already asked for help once but felt unheard.
Often, such or similar difficulties can also lead to a decline in the child’s grades. Therefore, child rights defender Aistė Kalėdaitė reminds that behind deteriorating poorer academic results there may be various experiences of the child that they do not find the courage to talk about.
First – listen, then look for a solution
“To prevent a conversation with a child about their grades from turning into anger, it is better to start talking without preconceived notions. It is important to remember that questions like ‘why’ often sound like accusations, which can cause hostility. Therefore, I advise avoiding questions such as: ‘Why are your grades bad?’ or ‘Why don’t you study?’” says the child rights defender.
According to the interlocutor, the first conversation about a poor grade does not necessarily have to start with the grade itself. Instead of rushing to find the reason, you can inquire how the child is doing at school in general: what their day looks like, how they feel, how they get along with classmates, and if there are subjects that are difficult to learn.
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Sometimes it is easier for a child to open up when an adult first shows that they want to understand, not immediately look for a solution. Genuine interest in the child’s day and well-being can help notice things that are not visible in the electronic diary. Once the real cause of difficulties is known, you can think together about what kind of help the child might need: perhaps talking to the teacher, class teacher, or school psychologist.
When school is difficult, it is important to know where to turn
The child rights defender also draws attention to the other side of the conversation – it is important for the child to know that the difficulties experienced at school are not something they have to endure alone. If something is unclear in class, you can ask the teacher for help after class. If the behavior of peers hurts, it is worth telling parents or another trusted adult about it.
“I want to advise children: it is easier to overcome challenges together. So boldly share your feelings with adults. If someone is mocking you, don’t be afraid to tell your parents about it. You can say: ‘It hurts me because they laugh at me at school, so I don’t want to go to lessons.’ Knowing how you feel, parents will be able to understand you better and help you,” says child rights defender A. Kalėdaitė.
Also, one of the ways to get help for both children and parents is emotional support lines. They can help find new insights into the current situation. This quick help is suitable in cases when it is important to be heard and talk about difficulties “here and now.”
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