The first kiss, the first vacation without parents, the first drive after getting a driver’s license – we usually don’t forget our “first times,” reports Focus.de. However, the first love is somewhat different. Not only is it hard to forget – it is often truly difficult to completely overcome. Many people believe that you never fully say goodbye to your first love.
First love usually ends in heartbreak
The first true love – not the boy in kindergarten who pulled your hair, nor the sweet girl from summer camp – is an experience that accompanies many throughout life. It seems impossible to forget it, and equally impossible to completely detach from it.
Why should this love have a much stronger impact than those that come later? Although there are people who actually marry their first girlfriend or first boyfriend, for most, the first love ends with the first heartbreak. And even if over time a person falls in love again, the first person often holds a special place in the heart.
There is the so-called primacy effect: generally, we remember our “first times” better than what came later.
This applies to everything – from the first concert to the first love. Since with the first love many other firsts are often experienced, such as first intimacy or first relationships, many memories are linked to that person, which contributed to who we have become today. Therefore, it is obvious that forgetting all this is not easy.
According to relationship expert Adina Mahalli, the part of our brain responsible for new memories and emotions can recognize the rarity or novelty of such experiences and preserve them forever.
The brain remembers emotional moments more vividly
It also helps that we usually fall in love for the first time during adolescence. At that time, the heart usually has never been broken, and love is mostly known only from romantic movies or books. We have an idealized notion that with the first love we will find the person with whom we want to spend our whole life.
Because of this, we focus more on the exciting new phase ahead, and it is easier for us to love without limits. Moreover, during adolescence, we are still learning to know ourselves. Psychologist Carla Marie Manly also states that during this period the brain can remember emotional moments especially vividly.
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“Pollyanna principle”: we often remember only the good things
It may be that the first love becomes a kind of model for all later relationships. This means that we compare new partners and how they make us feel with how we felt the first time we fell in love.
Also, sometimes the question arises of how the first love is doing today and what that person is doing now. The problem is that such memories are often overly romanticized. Sometimes we remember only the excitement and beautiful moments, but not the bad ones. This is called the “Pollyanna principle.”
One in five women would like to get their first love back
This constant process of comparison and the fact that we often remember the first love as better than it actually was can cause problems for later relationships. According to a study by the online dating platform “Elitepartner,” one in four women believes that the first love was a unique experience.
One in five women would even like to get it back. In such cases, the so-called “rekindling” sometimes happens – the revival of an old love. Almost 75% of such renewed relationships begin even though one partner has already started a new relationship. Still, the first love often remains just a beautiful memory that means a lot to us.
First love – an important part of growing up
In short: yes, it is very likely that the first love can be overcome. However, perhaps not as easily and not as definitively as one would like. The first love will probably always remain something special, even if usually a person should eventually be ready to let new people into their life. Over time, however, one learns to distinguish: the love that once was from the current shared feeling that the person simply was and will remain important as an individual.
It is even more difficult if the first love did not work out only because of external circumstances, for example, one person moving away. In such cases, it is sometimes harder not to ask oneself: “What if…?” Therefore, it is important to have a clear ending. Whether this happens through a conversation or a personal emotional farewell depends on what works better for the person.
Indeed, it should be this way: overcoming the first love should not be easy. It was an important part of growing up and showed us many new sides of our own emotions. Therefore, it is completely normal that it takes more time and willpower. As long as a person can distinguish memories from the current real person and can open up to new partners, there is nothing wrong with occasionally thinking about how the first love is doing now. It was an important part of life and perhaps will remain so forever.
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