Many women in long-term relationships say that if sex didn’t last so long – say, 10 minutes instead of 45 – they would be more willing to have it more often. In fact, a survey of sex therapists conducted in the US and Canada showed that the most satisfying duration of sexual intercourse for couples is between 3 and 13 minutes, reports “Your Tango.”
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It is also no secret that many men are fine with a quick finish – they just rarely ask for it because it is not considered very gentlemanly.
Quick sex often has a bad reputation and is considered an inferior form of sex, especially for women. But when you think about it, what’s not to like?
Myth or truth?
According to a widely held belief, all women need a long foreplay – at least 20 minutes or more – to even come close to orgasm. This may be one of the reasons why quick sex is not more popular.
It is thought that women generally need much more time than men to get aroused and reach orgasm.
But ask any woman who regularly masturbates, and she will probably say that she can reach orgasm on her own in just a few minutes. In fact, studies have shown that men reach orgasm on average within two to three minutes when masturbating, and women lag behind them only slightly – on average in just under four minutes.
British journalist and author of the book Fast Sex Nicci Talbot once said that the evolutionary theory of quick sex states that “our innate instinct is to get aroused quickly – as quickly as men – so that we can respond to a ‘stranger’ who has come to town to continue the family line and have offspring.”
And in their 1997 book “Are We Having Fun Yet: The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Sex”, co-authors Marcia and Lisa Douglass wrote: “Women do not need longer than men to get aroused and desire; they just receive too little and inappropriate stimulation.” So we women can fully enjoy quick sexual encounters – we just need to use the right methods. And you are not alone: according to one study, 8 out of 10 people would choose a good night’s sleep over sex.
Just take action
Waiting until you feel a strong sexual desire and then initiating quick sex is probably not one of the most effective strategies.
One study involving working mothers showed that although about half of them are usually not “in the mood” before sex, almost all eventually enjoy sex when they have it.
(Note: this is not an encouragement to have sex when you really don’t want to. Rather, it is encouragement to be more open to the idea of sex, considering its many benefits.)
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“Quickies” remind us of the sex we had in our youth – intense, rushed, passionate – when you couldn’t wait to jump into bed together, – N. Talbot told us. – It’s good to regain that spontaneity.”
How to increase the chances of reaching orgasm quickly
During quick sex, you have to take responsibility for your own orgasm. Although many quick sexual encounters happen spontaneously and without any planning, that doesn’t mean you can’t sometimes prepare in advance. After all, your mind is a very important part of sexuality, so you can prepare psychologically at any time of the day.
For example, during a lunch break, you can read erotic literature for a few minutes, rewatch a quick sex scene from a favorite movie, remember the last time you couldn’t take your eyes off your partner, exchange flirty or ambiguous messages, or leave him or her a seductive voice message. In other words, do whatever helps your mind prepare your body for a possible orgasm later.
“Quick sex can be oral or manual,” said Nicci Talbot. “It can help change your attitude towards what sex is and what it means to you.”
Of course, knowing what works for you means knowing your body well. Regular masturbation can help you better understand which methods allow you to reach orgasm quickly and communicate this more clearly to your partner.
You should also not be afraid to ask your partner to repeat what you like best (a certain hand technique, etc.) – after all, it is still considered sex.
Other pleasures of quick sex
Nevertheless, you should not focus on the idea that quick sex must include orgasm. Quick sex can still be very beneficial even if you do not experience orgasm. In any case, quick sex will undoubtedly give you energy, so it is ideal to secretly try it before work or a party.
And if energy and readiness to conquer the world are not enough for you, remember that any sex, whether it lasts two minutes or two hours, is good for you. A little sex is better than none. “Even a 20-second hug increases oxytocin levels,” says Ian Kerner, sex and relationship counselor and co-author of the book Sex Recharge: A Rejuvenation Plan for Couples and Singles. “Physical contact is important, no matter how brief it is.”
It’s not just about connection; regular sex also reduces stress, improves sleep, and strengthens the immune system – in fact, one study even showed that people who have sex every other day looked 7–12 years younger. So, think of quick sex as a shorter path to overall health and well-being. (And it’s cheaper than Botox!) All this should be enough to quell any unnecessary guilt about what good sex should be: quality matters more than quantity (at least in terms of duration).
