N. Strauss drew attention to what is called fusion in psychology – a relationship pattern where personal and emotional boundaries between people become unclear, writes “Mirror”.
Such a pattern can form in childhood, when a child feels responsible for one of the parents’ well-being, moods, or problems. Instead of receiving adult care, the child begins to meet the parents’ emotional needs themselves.
When love turns into a rescue mission
According to N. Strauss, people who have experienced such a relationship pattern may choose partners as adults whom they believe need help. They try to save, change, or solve the other person’s problems because that is how they feel needed and valuable.
At first, such relationships may seem very close: one partner constantly cares, sacrifices, and takes responsibility for the other. But over time, it becomes clear that a person cannot be changed if they do not want to change themselves.
Then the partner who has taken on the rescuer role may become disappointed, start feeling anger and resentment. Relationships where they once felt needed begin to seem like traps. According to N. Strauss, some people emotionally withdraw in such situations, begin to behave destructively, or seek closeness outside the relationship.
Thus, he considers a possible warning sign not the desire to help a loved one itself, but the constant need to rescue and change them. Especially when the partner’s problems become the main foundation of the relationship.
Read more Russia «advised» Donald Trump on who could help end the war
That does not mean the person will betray
However, there is no single reliable sign that allows predicting infidelity in advance. A person who cares too much for their partner or takes responsibility for their problems will not necessarily be unfaithful.
N. Strauss’s ideas have also faced criticism. Some people argued that “rescuers” tend to stay too long in painful relationships rather than seek a new partner. Others pointed out that the childhood pattern described by the author may be closer to parentification – a situation where a child is forced to take on adult emotional or practical duties.
Therefore, it is most important to observe not just one partner’s trait but the entire relationship dynamic. Concern may arise if one person constantly rescues while the other allows themselves to be rescued, the couple does not openly talk about disappointment, resentment accumulates, and closeness is replaced by anger and withdrawal.
In such cases, it is worth not waiting for betrayal or a relationship crisis but discussing mutual boundaries, responsibilities, and what each expects from the partnership.
