The ability to adapt is often seen as a sign of maturity, empathy, or good communication skills. However, psychologists are increasingly drawing attention to another side of this phenomenon – the constant suppression of one’s own needs gradually weakens not only a person’s emotional well-being but also the relationships themselves.
Read more CONTEST. We will play until all Lithuanian families win – share what you have won and receive a gift
A 2024 study published in the Australian Psychologist journal showed that the so-called self-silencing – the tendency to suppress one’s opinions, emotions, and needs to preserve relationships – is associated with a higher risk of depression symptoms.
In other words, the harmony we strive so hard to maintain sometimes comes at a very high cost.
When colleagues ask “just help for a moment…”
In everyday life, this seems quite harmless. For example, on a Friday afternoon, a colleague asks you to “just briefly review” their report, and although you have your own work priorities, you respond “of course.”
A similar scenario repeats in personal life. Coming home from work feeling exhausted, your partner suggests visiting friends. Instead of saying you want to rest today, you agree again.
These situations seem minor. But they share a common denominator – each time, a small part of yourself is denied.
Consent that carries no weight
“Let’s stop and ask ourselves: what does our spoken ‘yes’ really mean if those around us know perfectly well that we simply cannot say ‘no’?” – reflects D. Jakučionis.
According to him, automatic agreement gradually loses all weight. It no longer appears as a conscious choice. Rather – as a reflex.
In psychoanalysis, this state is described as the abandonment of one’s “self” due to the arising fear of rejection. A person begins to live not according to their own needs but according to others’ expectations.
Read more More than 100 attacked ships: Russia is looking for alternative shipping routes
Anger directed in the wrong place
By constantly suppressing themselves like this, people gradually begin to feel increasing inner irritation. It often seems directed at others: “Why do they demand so much from me?”, “Why do they constantly take advantage of my kindness?”
However, the psychotherapist says that often this is anger at oneself. Anger because we did not dare to set boundaries.
“A relationship does not collapse because people disagree. It begins to fall apart when one of them constantly silences themselves. In the end, there are not two people left, but one person and their reflection,” says D. Jakučionis.
Where does true connection arise?
True intimacy arises not when we always agree – it begins when a person calmly says “I see it differently.” This is the moment when two adult individuals meet, between whom a real and living relationship occurs.
It is precisely then that our agreement gains weight because others know – the agreement arises not from fear of offending or being rejected, but from a conscious choice.
The psychotherapist suggests not rushing to say “yes” immediately. First, it is worth pausing and asking yourself:
- Do I really want to agree, or am I just afraid of the other person’s reaction?
- What will this promise cost me – time, rest, peace, or health?
- Does my “yes” truly strengthen the relationship, or does it just help avoid short-term discomfort?
Paradoxically, long-term trust is not built by the ability to always agree. It is built by the courage to sometimes say “no.” Because it is precisely clear boundaries that allow respect to arise in relationships, and respect – true intimacy.
Read more Former Žalgiris player moves to another EuroLeague team
