It seems that love should be one of the most beautiful human experiences, associated with security, closeness, and trust in another person, but people seeking love are increasingly becoming victims of manipulation.
Read more Russia has come up with a way to exploit the emerging fuel crisis
Mental health specialists emphasize that scammers do not focus only on foolish or gullible people. They target those who have unmet emotional needs. Scammers look for a target, i.e., a person’s vulnerability: where they hurt, lack closeness, attention, support, or recognition. That is why victims of romantic scams are very different people – of various ages, education levels, and with diverse life experiences. “When talking about romantic scams, we are not talking about intellect. It is more important to emphasize feelings here. Scammers understand very well which emotional buttons to press to extract benefits,” explains the psychotherapist.
Portrait of a vulnerable person
According to L. L. Bliūdžienė, a person’s vulnerability is often related not to how smart they are, but to the emotional experience they bring from life. One of the most important factors is a long-term lack of closeness, love, or recognition. “It is much easier to manipulate a person who has felt lonely for a long time, eagerly awaited a relationship, and perhaps did not experience enough love or security since childhood. Suddenly encountering a person who repeats: ‘You are special to me,’ ‘I have been looking for you all my life,’ can have a very strong impact,” the specialist asserts.
A person going through a crisis – not only divorce or loss but also other major life changes accompanied by feelings of loneliness – can also become vulnerable. At such times, it is natural to want support, a close person who would listen and be nearby.
Another group that can be affected by scammers’ manipulations are people who lack critical thinking skills. This does not mean they are not intelligent. Sometimes a person is simply not used to asking questions, verifying, checking facts, doubting, or analyzing situations. If in childhood they were taught to obey rather than discuss, it may be harder as an adult to notice that they are being manipulated.
Another important aspect is emotional sensitivity. People who quickly empathize with others’ problems and try to help, who find it hard to refuse when asked for a favor, may more easily fall into scammers’ traps, especially if from a young age they learned to be helpers, rescuers, and pushed their own needs aside.
The first sign – speed
One of the main signs of romantic scams is love relationships developing too quickly. Closeness is created too suddenly: a person you have known for only a few days or weeks already confesses to loving you madly, talks about a shared future, family, children, eternal love. “In healthy relationships, closeness grows gradually. We slowly get to know a person: their daily life, friends, values, behavior in different situations. When someone very quickly ignites the feeling that you are the person of their life, it is worth pausing and thinking,” emphasizes the psychotherapist.
Scammers often use a certain strategy: they flood the targeted victim with a powerful stream of emotions, leaving no chance to catch their breath. The person receives so much attention, compliments, and kind words that the brain (with increased levels of hormones dopamine and serotonin that promote euphoria and attachment) begins to react to such communication as if it were a special connection. Joy, anticipation, attachment form.
Sometimes at first the manipulator does not ask for anything. On the contrary, the targeted person feels as if undeservedly rewarded. Later, the scammer may start with small things: asking for a small favor, help, advice. This allows the person to feel needed. Later the requests become bigger. “One of the most common manipulation hooks that people fall for is the request for a small favor. By helping, the person confirms to themselves: ‘I am good, valuable, I am appreciated.’ After overcoming this first barrier, requests increase, and later it becomes easier to cross a bigger line,” explains the specialist.
“If this is a real person and a real connection, they will not disappear. Love can wait.”
Most common stories
When communicating with potential targets, romantic scammers often create a story explaining why they cannot be near the “loved” person in real life. They may pretend to live abroad, work a dangerous job, serve in the military, have a business, or complicated family circumstances. A particularly common scenario is a sudden misfortune. Suddenly, a serious illness occurs, financial difficulties arise, access to their money is lost (it is claimed to be only a temporary problem), an urgent case arises and it is necessary to pay for a ticket or resolve another urgent situation.
However, the most important sign is that the person asks you to take responsibility for their life. “Think: do you really want a relationship where from the very beginning you have to save another person? A close relationship is not based on constant rescuing,” draws attention L. L. Bliūdžienė.
Read more Despite Infantino’s promised millions, Lithuania supports UEFA rebellion: “Crisis situation”
Cannot be ignored
Let’s summarize the first signs that encourage caution when starting to communicate remotely and feeling a budding close connection:
- the person avoids video calls or always finds reasons not to meet in person;
- their life story lacks concrete facts;
- they do not want to introduce you to friends or relatives;
- soon after meeting, the conversation quickly turns to love and a shared future;
- they ask you to keep your love connection a secret;
- they cause guilt if you do not help them;
- they ask for money or financial support.
“If during communication you start feeling not joy but duty, guilt, or fear of disappointing, this may already be a sign of manipulation,” asserts the specialist.
Questions from loved ones
First of all, such a “love” story usually raises suspicions among close ones. They notice that something is wrong. However, a person who has felt closeness with an imaginary beloved may strongly resist reality. The reason is simple: they have already invested emotions, time, hopes. At that moment, it seems impossible to admit that they were deceived. A direct confrontation with a loved one would mean not only conflict but also a strong encounter with their own pain. “Therefore, when noticing that a person is sinking into scammers’ traps, the worst reaction would be to say: ‘What nonsense are you doing?’ or ‘How could you believe?’ The person will shut down and defend their choice even more,” explains the psychotherapist.
If a loved one may have fallen into scammers’ traps, it is better to sincerely inquire about their situation. It is appropriate to ask questions that bring the person’s created ideal closer to reality. For example, you can ask how they met, what they know about that person, whether they have met in person, or know their environment. Sometimes simple questions help the person notice inconsistencies themselves.
How to protect yourself?
Is it possible for people thirsty for love to protect themselves from romantic scammers? It can be difficult, but definitely possible. The most important rule is not to rush. “If this is a real person and a real connection, they will not disappear. Love can wait. Give yourself time to get to know the person,” advises L. L. Bliūdžienė.
Nowadays, it is also very important not to forget real life. Online communication can create a strong illusion, but a real person reveals themselves in everyday life through their actions, relationships with others, and ability to solve problems. It is worth verifying what you hear: searching for information on social networks, checking if stories match found posts, whether mentioned people, workplaces, or other life circumstances exist.
It is also very important to strengthen inner support and live a full life. It is advisable to nurture relationships with people who provide security and support: close ones, friends, colleagues. If there is a strong need to care for something, it is meaningful to get a pet or try volunteering. “The greatest protection is inner support. When a person no longer thinks that someone has to save or appreciate them, it is much harder to convince them of a beautiful but false story,” asserts the psychotherapist.
Suspicion should also arise from communication that becomes secretive from the start. If the person you met says: “Don’t tell anyone about us,” it is worth thinking. If you do not want to talk about the situation with loved ones, you can seek help from a psychotherapist, crisis centers, or call free emotional support lines.
The most important thing to remember is that love does not start with fear, debt, or a sense of duty. A true connection provides more peace than anxiety, so sometimes it is much more important to ask not “Does he love me?” but “How do I feel next to this person?”.
The project “Fake? Check it!” is partially funded by the Media Support Fund. 9,000 euros allocated in 2026.
Read more VRM: police recommended to strengthen the fight against corruption, focus on smuggling risks
