Centre psychologist Asta Groblytė states in a press release that humans are social beings whose well-being is closely dependent on the quality of relationships, and one of the things we should take care of is the diversity of our connections.
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Diversity of connections is the totality of relationships in a person’s life. It includes not only the closest people but also different connections that link us to the world. Some are very close and intimate – with a partner, children, or best friends; others are weaker but also significant: with colleagues, neighbors, like-minded people, people we regularly meet at the gym, cafe, or stairwell.
According to Groblytė, the diversity of connections is important because different people play different roles in our lives.
“Sometimes we expect a partner, best friend, or family to satisfy almost all our emotional and social needs, but this is a very heavy burden for one relationship. Some people understand us best emotionally, with others we share common hobbies or professional interests, and still others provide practical help or allow us to feel part of a community. The more diverse this network, the less the burden of expectations on each individual relationship, and the more rooted we feel in our social environment,” she argues.
The psychologist emphasizes that the diversity of connections is not just about their quantity, but also about personality, depth, and loyalty.
“Every person builds their network of connections in their own way. For one, it will be a wide circle of acquaintances, for another – fewer people, but more depth and continuity. For psychological well-being, the most important thing is not how many people we know, but whether we feel connected to someone and whether we have at least a few close relationships,” the interviewee reveals.
Furthermore, relationships allow us to get to know ourselves better. With some people, our caring nature is revealed, with others – creativity, professionalism, or a sense of humor. The more different relationships we experience, the more opportunities we have to grow, learn, and see ourselves from various perspectives.
Loneliness is also important for building connections
Such a network of connections, like any relationship, is not inherently stable and requires constant mutual attention and care. It also changes – at each stage of life, some people drift away, others draw closer, or new acquaintances emerge.
“The lack of connections, disappointment in them, or precisely the value of existing relationships becomes clearer when a person experiences difficulties or crisis events. Then it becomes evident how important it is to have people with whom one can share experiences, receive support, or ask for specific help,” says A. Groblytė.
According to her, if we feel lonely, it is important to look for opportunities to build connections. The beginning of this can be very simple – a regular conversation with a neighbor, joining a meaningful activity, volunteering, or a hobby. Significant relationships usually arise not through one big decision, but through many small, constantly repeated encounters.
However, it is important to distinguish between two things – solitude and the feeling of loneliness. Solitude can be a consciously chosen state that allows one to rest, meet oneself, organize thoughts, and regain strength. Loneliness, on the other hand, is a painful experience when there is a lack of close connection, when we feel unseen, unnecessary, or have no one to share what is important with.
“For a human, as a social being, meaningful relationships are one of the essential sources of psychological well-being. On the other hand, solitude is also an inseparable part of our existence. Therefore, it is worth cultivating the ability to be with oneself so that solitude does not become suffering.
If I cannot be alone with myself for even half an hour, constantly seeking noise, screens, or other people just to avoid confronting my thoughts, it is unlikely to lead to stable relationships. Rather, it is a sign that it is worth pausing and looking more closely at myself, at what I am running from,” advises the psychologist.
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According to her, a healthy relationship with solitude means that I can be in it without feeling panic or emptiness. I can enjoy my hobbies, go for walks, read, create, rest, but at the same time remain open to relationships. People who know how to be with themselves often build more mature relationships. They are less likely to cling to another person out of fear of being alone and can choose a relationship not out of a need to fill a void, but out of a desire to share life.
The line between discomfort and harm
If connection with others is so important to us, why do studies show that we rely on it less and less, and experience many difficulties in it? According to A. Groblytė, perhaps this is because, in addition to all the positive things that connection provides, relationships also require maintaining boundaries, tolerance, patience, the ability to forgive, negotiate, and accept that the other person will never be exactly as we would like them to be.
“If we take every disappointment as a sign to leave, very few people may remain in our lives. And if we try to preserve a relationship at all costs, we risk losing ourselves. Probably the most suitable place is somewhere between these two extremes – protecting ourselves, but at the same time acknowledging that intimacy always requires a certain discomfort and effort,” the psychologist reminds.
However, if a relationship constantly involves fear, humiliation, control, aggression, if the other person does not take responsibility for their behavior and has no desire to change, then ending the relationship may be the most appropriate decision.
According to the interviewee, it is important that there is increasing education in the public sphere on how to recognize emotional abuse, and people are encouraged to set boundaries and not tolerate aggressive, manipulative behavior.
At the same time, not only violence but also differences in values, grievances due to wrongs or injustice, and disappointments can cause separation.
“Many families experienced this during the pandemic or at the start of the war in Ukraine, when different political or value positions emerged. These are situations where a certain value position is extremely important to a person, and discussions or attempts to convince the other of one’s truth only exacerbate the situation. Then one has to weigh whether both conflicting parties are prepared to make an effort and maintain the relationship by giving up the need to win this argument, or if that will ultimately not be possible,” A. Groblytė explains about the different outcomes.
Conversations with AI – service, not connection
A study conducted by KĮC and HUBEL also showed for the first time how people use artificial intelligence tools for emotional well-being issues: a quarter of residents (25%) have talked to artificial intelligence about their well-being or emotional difficulties at least once.
However, quality psychological help in this conversation lacks connection building. Comparing psychological counseling or psychotherapy and a conversation with artificial intelligence, the latter is focused on good customer service, as it cannot create a different, equivalent human relationship.
“A conversation with AI can be very convenient and pleasant, but real relationships between people are not like that. In the latter, one has to face the other person’s otherness, boundaries, emotions, and sometimes inevitable disappointment. In a live relationship, we not only get answers – we learn to be seen, heard, sometimes misunderstood, we have to be disappointed, reconcile, and reconcile different needs. All this develops our ability to be with another person. Artificial intelligence cannot provide this experience,” states A. Groblytė.
The psychologist notes that people often come to a psychologist primarily focusing on content: “what smart thing will the psychologist say.” How the specialist assesses a person’s state or situation is, of course, important. However, a large part of psychological help occurs through a specific human relationship: in a consultation, a person experiences what it means to be heard, accepted, understood, or to explore together why communication fails.
“A computer does not have feelings, values, or personal experience; it can only imitate them. Therefore, artificial intelligence can provide useful information about psychological phenomena, possible ways of help, assist in preparing for a conversation, or organizing thoughts. However, it cannot replace what is one of the most important sources of psychological health for a human – a live relationship with another person,” says the interviewee.
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